WOW..

I can't believe its been almost six months since, I gave birth to a beautiful and healthy little boy. The time sure does fly. I miss him. But I'm also moving on in life.. I'm about to start school, I got a job being a server at Red Lobster. Things are slowly falling into place. It starts out with " Am I ever going to move on?" to " Wow I'm amazed at how far I have gotten." And its all because of TIME.. The more time there is in between the better, everything seems to just fall into place. 

Lost

Lots on my mind. I just don't know what to do. Not a day goes by that I don't think about my sweet baby boy, but for some reason today is worse, its like everything and everyone is just getting on my last nerve. Even though its not there fault, and all I want to do is just cry. I know I did the right thing, but why doesn't feel like it? All I know is that I wanted him to have a better life then I had. He deserves so much more then I could have given him. I just look at those with kids and think to myself that I can do that. But then reality kicks in and I know there is no way, that I could give him everything that he wants and needs. I just feel so alone. Why would this happen to me? If God only gives us what we can handle why would he give me this? Why would I have to go through this? He knows me more then I know myself, but why does it seem like this is too much for me to handle? I look at my sweet babies pictures and I see how happy he is, and even that is too hard. Im almost to the point where I want to go and just not have any communication with his parents. I thought I was strong and this would be an ok thing, but giving this a chance I know that it hurts me alot. Well till next time.

Confusion!

So I have been contacted by my Case worker and I found out that, the the couple want to do a semi open adoption. I have thought and prayed about it. And I just don't know what to do. I want to see my little boy, but then at the same time I don't know how that is going to help me to heal. And since I'm not all that close to the couple. The reason I chose them was because I did not know them, so therefore Placing my baby with them was the best thing.. and now this is what they are asking of me.. I'm sure I can do it but the matter of fact is do I want to??? And maybe for others reading this, that would be really hard to do. They have sent me pictures of him, and he just looks more and more like me and birthfather. But how much do I have to go through, before I can focus on my life and to be moving forward? I need some feedback. I'm just so confused..

Just Starting.....

I have had lots of friends asking me to start a blog.. and I have not wanted to cause it takes alot of time. But as I was thinking this will help me with alot of my emotions. I don't really know what to say, or how i should say things, or where to even begin.